This past week has been an emotional struggle for me. We have been working for about 7 straight Saturdays trying to get our parents house, “The Big House”, ready to sell. It went on the market last Sunday, and we had a full list price offer the same day. It went under contract in 48 hours. While I’m so very thankful for that, it is solidly closing the door on a chapter of my life that I lived in for a very long time.
Instead of energizing me though, it seems to have grounded me. I’ve been down. Depressed. Sassy (pup #1) got sick and required a Vet visit and medication. My friends hitch ended up being the wrong size for Myrtle so I have to start over with that. And one of my employees turned in his 2 weeks notice, so work has been and is going to continue to be crazy. I have struggled to find the light.
Normally, when things felt confusing or hard, I would pick up the phone and call my Dad. He was the most sensible, even keeled, intelligent man. He would always listen, and always guide me. I lost the ability to go to him for guidance several years before we physically lost him. Alzheimer’s took his mind. He never stopped recognizing me, he never got angry or mean, he just withdrew. Became childlike. And that was so hard. Every time I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing caring for them both, I wanted to ask his advice. “Am I taking care of you the way I should? Would this make you proud?”. I knew he would never steer me wrong. But he was now the one person I couldn’t ask. And that seemed extra cruel.
Right now, while I can’t fully get started renovating Myrtle, I have still been trying to move forward. Towards my dream. So I have been trying to decide what kind of vehicle I need to buy to tow her. I love my little Kia, but let’s be honest, there’s no way The Soul Train is going to tow Myrtle. I have wanted to talk to my Dad about my different options. And he’s not here.
I miss Mom too. She loves color, and shopping, and decorating. I can just imagine how much joy she would get out of helping me with Myrtle. I just know she would love her name too. I guess I get that silly quirk of naming things from my Mom. I mean she did name a crazily painted china cabinet in her kitchen the Bodacious Cabinet.
I know this project, this adventure, this freedom for me, would make them happy. They loved travel too. I plan on having their wedding picture in a place of honor in Myrtle so they can adventure with me. This adventure is for them too. That’s my light. They are my light.
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