I bought myself some flowers yesterday. I haven’t had flowers in a very long time. My parents used to send me flowers every year on my birthday. And this year, I didn’t get flowers. Last year, I didn’t get flowers. And I realized yesterday, as I took myself on a date to the farmers market, that I deserve some flowers and it’s ok to buy them for myself.
I have been feeling kind of sorry for myself lately. See, the wheels kind of fell off my travel adventures a few weeks ago. I mean that literally and figuratively. As I rolled back in to town from Maine a little over a month ago, I had a blow out on my camper. A huge tire blowout that literally exploded up in to the camper. It looked like a bomb went off over that wheel. And then the next morning I woke up with my knee swollen up and unable to walk. A torn meniscus. I had surgery for it last week, and I don’t have my camper back yet. No wheels.
I thought maybe the universe was trying to tell me something. Tell me to slow down. Maybe tell me I need to be at home. But you know me. I’m going stir crazy. I can’t really exercise much, and going out in public is kind of limited due to fatigue and soreness. So I’ve been reading. And writing. And drawing. And coloring. Anything to help alleviate the boredom.
I’ve also been missing my Dad a lot the past week or so. Dad specifically right now. It goes back and forth, but he’s been on my mind. During one of my bouts of boredom I was cleaning out a drawer and found a few pictures of us together and that triggered it. But then on Thursday I was surrounded by a group of female friends who came to my house. And I realized that I was being wrapped in a cocoon of other women who have lost their Dads too young as well. Sarah, Emily, Leslie, Morgan. All were at my house Thursday. Then on Friday, out of the blue I had texts from Laura and Toni. Both dear friends. Both no longer have their Dads either.
I have been studying mindfulness lately and one big teaching, one thing that helps to get you out of your own head, is to remember that all over the world there are many, many people who are feeling the exact same thing you are feeling at the exact same time. You are not alone. You aren’t even unique in your suffering. And when you start to allow yourself to feel that compassion and loving kindness towards other people who are feeling the same pain you are feeling, you no longer focus solely on yourself. And it’s impossible to feel sorry for yourself when you are focusing on others.
Thank you ladies for being a part of my story.
#everyonehasastory #fathersanddaughters #mindfulness #buyyourselfflowers #grief #loss #friendship #nowheels